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My new mantra is the title of this post. I am going vindictive and vengance is my drive. More to come later... Just keep up.

Current Location: 41.6524,-70.2786
04 February 2010 @ 11:34 am

This is totally insane. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me I just can't seem to move in any direction but down. I have this whole thing(life) wrong. I can't seem to find my way back to get on my way back to a real existance... All I seem capable of is fucking myself up worse and worse and that is not good... I don't really know where to go from here but I know that something has got to give. And that something is gonna be big. I think I need to either get checked into some form of a rehab program or something. My whole life is falling apart this time worse than before. I just don't know what I can do to make this tailspin stop. :( Too much shit has happened in the past 8weeks and I feel awful about all of it. So bad that I won't even go into detail about it... I just posted that I needed somewhere to write and while I feel weird about writing it here I just needed an outlet for right now. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Current Location: 41.6523,-70.2786
Vindictive Malevolence
07 December 2009 @ 04:51 am
This will be the last post I make here.

The time has come that I just no longer have the drive to keep this up. It's been a long road, filled with so many memories and expressions. If you wish to contact me feel free to email: zach@capecod.com msn: zach@capecod.com or aim: phailuretolaunch

I love you all.
Goodbye, and goodnight.
04 November 2009 @ 07:33 am
I feel so lost right now...

I don't know how to explain it, I just feel like while everyone is making strides in their lives, moving onward and building their lives that I haven't done anything. I'm treading water right now, and I'm in over my head. I need alot of things right now, I need to be doing something with my life, I need to be moving forward in some way, I need to be focused and driven. I need to get my fucking act together and just leap. I don't know a better way to explain it...

Let's dance in style, lets dance for a while, heaven can wait we're only watching the skies, hoping for the best but expecting the worst, are you going to drop the bomb or not? Let us die young or let us live forever...
22 October 2009 @ 08:52 am
I'm finally breathing a well deserved sigh of relief. I lost my wallet earlier this week, luckily no money was in it. However I freaked out because I realized that I don't have a valid ID. I'm supposed to be leaving to Florida for 5 days and without an ID I wouldn't be permitted to fly, obviously. So I called the RMV to see about getting an expedited ID card of some sort, too bad they don't do anything like that... So I've been freaking out, finally, I called the airline and they assured me that as long as I get the printed out id from the RMV as well as another form of ID (IE my expired license and social security card) I would be allowed to board, except that I will be subject to search. I'm absolutely fine with that. I know it's gonna be a bitch but whatever. Thank god!
12 October 2009 @ 04:18 am
Isolation is a fact of life, I don't know if there's really any training for it. There certainly isn't a cure. Most of the time isolation is self-imposed. Sometimes by shutting people out, sometimes by inviting people in, and sometimes by hiding alone. Sometimes it's by losing faith in the very things that keep us going. We lean on each other and seek solace where we think we'll find it, but sometimes, it's just unavoidable. There's nothing to do but embrace the isolation and walk out into the void alone.
I am seriously fucking rip-shit right now. I spent like over an hour last night cleaning the kitchen, bleaching the counters, stove and sink, doing other peoples dishes and then throwing out their trash. I am fucking fed up. I refuse to live with it. I just wrote a scathing not and left it in the kitchen. I don't know what the fuck is going to happen next but I am seriously on the verge of losing my shit. I cant even stand it anymore! GAH!
08 October 2009 @ 06:16 am
So some of you may have heard of 1000journals, its an internet / land mail art object / pass it on project.You can learn about it at 1000journals.com. This project was started by Someguy from CA. I had journal #939, I handed it off all over and got it back probably 50 times, then I handed it off to someone, and it was lost to the world. I am working on finding it, I don't know how or if this is even possible, but I'm going to do my damnedest.
I know I promised I would update, and I have yet to do so... I just have no motivation lately. I feel like the whole world is somehow kicking my ass... Day after day I have been dealing with all sorts of shit, and night after night, I don't sleep. I am a zombie at this point. I sleep whenever I can, usually a total of about 3 hours, mostly non-consecutive... I don't know what the hell is going on but its making me sick. I have a cold on top of allergies that just wont stop... it's been over 3 weeks since this cold developed, and it will not let go. After a Z-pack and broad spectrum antibiotics, I still have a upper respiratory infection that's just plain ugly. Well seeing as it's 4:30am, I'm going to stop.
04 October 2009 @ 09:17 am

Hmm yeah I don't really know why I haven't been able to update maybe it's being sick as a dog or something else... Idk

I just need to start feeling better...